Writing therapy
by Iluvbeyblade
Summary: A grieving Salima sits down and writes about a boy who came into her life and changed it forever. KaiSalima, in a strange way. Character death. No prizes for guessing who.
1. Chapter 1

The idea for this has been buzzing round my head for a while, but it kept changing! So annoying! I really wanted to do a Kai/Salima though, because there's none around and I think they'd actually look quite good together! I mean, you have Kai/Mariah, Kai/JuliaandKai/Mariam, why not any of the other girls? I must write a Kai/Matilda fic soon! And a Kai/Minging! (oops, sorry any Ming-ming fans!) Imeant Ming-ming! Really!)

A big thanks to **Lamanth** for supporting me in this idea!

Originally, this fic was supposed to be one long chapter, but I've got writer's block, so I'm just posting it, seeing people's reactions, and hoping that I can figure out what to write next.

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Hey, whoever's reading this. I've been told that writing down this might help. Heck, right now I'd eat a kangaroo testicle if someone told me it would help! Calm down, girl, deep breaths. Anyway, I guess I'd better start from...well, I _suppose_ it's the technically correct beginning, the_ real _beginning came later...

Aged sixteen, I was working part-time in a hospital, trying to get experience that would help me when I applied for a job. I know I was supposed to be going round the world, teaching kids how to beyblade, but doing that just alerted me to how badly some people were living. I saw some pretty nasty things on my travels, especially in some of the Third World countries. Children with stomachs so bloated you could almost kid yourself they were overweight, until you saw their stick-thin, brittle-looking arms and legs, their eyes sunken into their skulls... A few years ago, this would have made me cry, just writing about it. Now, nothing really, just the same, vague kind of shock everyone else feels. Yet another thing that's different about me now. Anyway, back to where I left off. Sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler...especially when I'm trying to avoid a subject...

So, yes...um...hospital! Yes, I was doing what I suppose passed for work experience, all the while with one eye on the World Championships. It came as a shock to every beyblade fan I knew when the Bladebreakers announced their seperation. I could understand why they'd done it, though. I mean, it made sense. The rest of the world and I watched the bladers fight - and boy, was it ever like a twisted kind of soap opera at times - watched Tyson eventually reclaim his title over Kai.

Then, just when I thought it was over, (and I didn't half feel sorry for Ray, with no chance to fight Tyson! Ha, guess I always held a torch for that guy. Now...god only knows.) some creep named Boris popped up, kicked out Mr Dickenson and set about making beyblading purely BEGA-friendly at supersonic speed. Tyson stood up to him - big surprise there - which eventually resulted in the Justice 5 tournament, a tournament that will probably go down in history as the most dangerous, most passionate and most damaging set of battles ever. They won - once again, big surprise. Would they _ever_ have lost if they'd stayed together?

After a few months, a few exibtion battles, BBA Revolution as they were called 'cause of the addition of that kid Daichi, split. As far as I know, Tyson, Daichi and Ray (see, I've come back to him again...) are still beyblading and loving every second of it. Hilary is presumably still hanging around with Tyson, (boy, do I feel sorry for her, Tyson is so _dense _at times...) and Max is in America, teaching kids how to beyblade. Hiro, I believe, is tipped to become the next head of the BBA, and Kenny as deputy head. Last...K

Damn, my pencil's snapped, I hate writing in pen! What was I writing before? Oh...right. I'm coming to that. I _am_! Honestly!

A year after the World Championships had ended, I had finally got a job as a nurse. Night-shifts...urgh...surviving on caffeine is _not_ good for you! I was doing my rounds, same as always, when I came across one of the last people I would ever expect to find in a hospital.

Kai.

He had a bullet - a _bullet_, of all things! - embedded in his left hip, in a position that meant it would be very hard to remove it without damaging the bone. You know your hip's a ball-and-socket joint? Well, the bullet was actually stuck _in between_ the two bones, the ball and the socket, if you like.

I just stood there, gaping like a complete idiot at him. I mean, I was in shock! As I said, it was the last person I would ever have expected to find in there! He was reading a book, I can't remember which one it was but I remember thinking; wow, that looks hard! Anyway, he sensed me gawping at him like a stupid fangirl and looked up with that mixture of annoyance and calm disregard that he used to use on Tyson, if I remember correctly from my short meeting with them years back. It took him a few minutes to place me - I could _see_ his mind working, going over faces - and when he did, he just nodded politely, made a comment about "Good to see you again, Salima," and went back to his book. I stayed there for a few minutes more, I don't know why, and suddenly noticed the distinct absence of what I liked to call the "morphine button".

"Kai, where's your button?" I asked, gesturing vaguely to the bed. He looked up.

"Oh, that." He shrugged. "Somewhere. I don't use it."

"Why?" He looked at me as if I was stupid.

"Why should I? I can cope." he muttered and returned to his book. I stared at him, dumbfounded. He had to be in absolute agony, yet he wasn't showing even the faintest sign of being uncomfortable.

After that chance meeting, I met up with him more and more during my rounds. I discovered he was also in to try and find a way to control his dangerously high blood pressure. Ha, he used to say that it was the result of being captain of the Bladebreakers. That made me laugh. One meeting sticks in my head more than others...

I bustled through the corridors with a tray of medicines in my hands. Suddenly, I banged into somebody coming the other way. We both fell on the floor. I was up quickly, nearly hit the roof when I saw who it was.

"_Kai, what are you doing out of bed_?" I fumed.

"Going to the toilet, if that's all right with you?" he asked, raising one eyebrow in that way he had. Grumbling under my breath, I reached out and grabbed his hand to pull him up. Swearing, I very nearly let go again.

"Kai, you're burning!" I put my hand on his forehead, felt it just as hot as his hand, if not more, and swung into action. "Right, you're going straight back to bed, mister!" I snapped, hauling him upright and forcing him to limp back to his bed.

"I need the toilet!"

"I'll get you a bedpan!" No, he was not a happy bunny, not at all. But then, neither was I. His temperature, it turned out, was 104 and rising, and he had been wandering round the hospital! Which had to be damaging to his still-unoperated-on leg anyway! Stupid, stubborn idiot!

I think I'll stop now, my wrist aches...bye, whoever's reading this. Probably a shrink. Like I need one of _those_.

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Well? Please tell me what you thought, and any ideas if you have them! 


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the next chapter! A big thanks to Lamanth and wolf's lament for reviewing this, and for telling me how I could improve! Very much appreciated!

Hope you enjoy it!

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Well, I'm back. Don't know why. Just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up. But no, I'm here, scribbling down this strange, rambling rubbish. I must be a complete masochist. Where was I? Oh yes, Kai had a temperature. Well, it came down pretty quickly, thank goodness, and I was quite disappointed at not having an excuse to go and see him anymore. So I started popping in after or before my shifts. Sometimes we'd talk, and sometimes he would just sit there silently with a closed-off expression on his face. It took me a long time to realise that meant he was in pain. He never complained, never even dropped a vague hint.

He was quite a good conversationalist normally, and it took me completely by surprise when one day he casually dropped the bombshell that he was gay. Now, I won't lie, I did feel a bit...taken aback, you know? I mean, it's not every day that guys tell you they like other guys in _that _way. He just _looked_ at me, as if to say; go on, say it, I've heard it all before. And I...couldn't. I couldn't say a thing. So I just nodded and said something inane like; "That must upset the fangirls." To my utmost surprise (make that shock, I can't be bothered to cross it out) he laughed. He always did have a great laugh.

That was, what...two days before his operation? Yeah, something like that.

I saw him off into theatre, and was there when he came out again, drowsy from the anaesthetic. But then, the consultant came in, and asked if he was fit to be told something very important. I'll tell you something; my blood ran cold. Icy-cold. You see, consultants are arrogant bastards (excuse my language) who would never tell a patient anything in person unless it was damn serious. I had opened my mouth to say no, when Kai agreed to listen. Idiot. I really could have hit him. Medical-speak followed, blah, blah, using ten thousand complicated words when five would do.

"cartilage in between the the head of the right femur and the acetabelum has been eroded due to the length of time you waited before being checked in, and the process has been complicated further by surgery, rendering mobility in that leg as little or none-"

"In English?" he snapped. Looking back at it now, I can see that he must have understood at least some of it; why else would there have been that wary look in his eyes? The consultant hesitated. My only guess was that something had gone wrong during the operation. I would never have guessed just _how_ wrong.

Plain English it was.

"You have lost almost all mobility in your right leg due to the bones rubbing against each other." I gasped and clapped both hands over my mouth. I thought Kai was either going to vomit, or pass out. He did too, because he put a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes.

"You mean I'm not going to be able to walk?" he whispered. His face was beyond white; it was grey tinged with lighter grey.

"Not without a crutch, no."

"No..." He gagged, swallowed, waved me away as I snapped out of my daze and hurried forwards with a bowl. "No...god, no..." He lay back down heavily.

"I'm so, so sorry, Kai. Believe me, everything we could do was done to try and prevent this."

"Didn't try hard enough, then." I mumbled under my breath. Thankfully, he didn't hear me. The second he had gone, Kai sat up. His eyes were unnaturally bright, even more so in his ashen face. He stretched out a hand towards me.

"Help me up." he ordered tightly.

"Kai, what are you doing-"

"He said I need a crutch, you can be my crutch. Come on!" Hesitantly, I took his hand and helped him upright. His whole body was rigid and trembling, his words tumbling out much faster than usual. "At first I thought I couldn't walk again, but I can - yes, this is good, I can walk still - it only hurts a little, stupid, stupid doctors, can't they do _anything_ right?"

"Kai, calm down, remember your blood pre-"

"_I don't give a damn about my blood pressure!" _His voice had risen to a hysterical yell, and he stumbled as he stopped talking. Nursing training took over, and I grabbed him by the upper arms (it would have been shoulders, but he was too tall) and shook him violently.

"Calm down!" I ordered sharply. He stared at me, panting slightly, eyes wild. "Let's get you back to bed."

"I don't-"

"_Now_." Whether it was me (doubtful) or the fact that he was simply too tired to resist, (much more likely) he nodded and meekly allowed me to help him limp back to bed. As he sat back down slowly, he suddenly bent forwards, pulled his gown up and stared at the offending limb. Ugly zigzag stitches marred his skin, the area red and swollen.

That's when it really sunk in, just then. And I've never seen anyone look more devastated.

"You can go now." His voice was no more than a whisper.

I left. I know when I'm not wanted, and boy oh boy, Kai didn't want a_nybody_ near him.

He stayed like that for a good three or four days, pretty much mute. I was the only person he would let in the room, and even then he didn't talk, barely even looked at me. Everyone else was confused by his reaction. He was behaving like a person who had just had his leg amputated. He could still walk, albeit with some difficulty and mild pain, they said, so what was the problem?

I knew. No doubt the Bladebreakers would have known, too. You needed to know what Kai was like, and when you did it was blatantly obvious. He craved perfection like an alcoholic might crave a drink, and now he had been stopped from achieving it. Permanently.

Eventually, my patience ran out. I walked into his room and stood in front of him, tapping my foot impatiently.

"What is it?" he demanded at last.

"Kai, you've got to snap out of it! It's not the end of the world!" He didn't say anything, just gave me a glare that could have frozen magma. I sighed and sat down, trying to get him to make eye contact. "If you don't stop this, Kai, I've heard them talking, they're going to refer you to a psychiatrist!"

"Been there, done that, got the file to prove it." he muttered. I raised an inquiring eyebrow. "None of your business."

Time to try a different tactic.

"Who shot you, anyway?" Startled, he made his first proper eye contact in four days.

"Nothing. A game of Russian Roulette that went wrong." My eyes practically fell out my head.

"_You were playing Russian Roulette with bullets_?" I shrieked.

"One bullet." he corrected me testily. "Keep it down, would you?"

"That's as good as saying "hello, I'm suicidal and stupid with it!" I can't believe you'd gamble your life away like that-"

"Not my life, just my leg." He smiled then, a bitter, twisted expression that had nothing to do with conventional humour. I sucked in a deep breath. Forget his, _my_ blood pressure had just about gone through the roof! "Maybe I am stupid and suicidal with it, as you so aptly put it."

"You'd better not be!" Lame, I know, but I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Unbelievably, he started laughing. Real laughter, not bitter, not hysterical. Amused. "What's so funny?" I demanded, blushing. He shook his head, still laughing.

"You're one of a kind, Salima." he said eventually.

"Thanks, I supppose..." I said cautiously.

To this day, I've never worked out why he said that, or what he meant.I mean, clichéd or what?He never told me, either. Typical.Got to go, stomach calls. (God, I sound like Tyson...)

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Well? How was it? If anyone doesn't know what Russian Roulette is, I can't explain properly, so go find someone who can! It involves a revolver, a single bullet and is basically a game of "when is the gun going to go off and who's going to get shot" Like I said,I can't explain! Please review! 


	3. Chapter 3

Here's the next chapter! A big thanks to **Lamanth**, **though i choose death instead of pointless pain** (hopefully, I'll make what I put last chapter make sense to you in this one!) and **wolf's lament** for reviewing either chapter one, two or both! I'm quite enjoying writing this, I have to say, it's fun writing infirst person! Please enjoy

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Wow, my head hurts like hell…that's the last time I drink for a while. Back to Kai, no one wants to read about me moaning about a hangover. And if they do, they're just sadists and not worthy of my attention. Ho hum…where was I? Oh yes…

It was two days later, and I had just finished a nine-hour shift. Kai was oddly talkative, almost hyperactive. I checked his stats and frowned. Nothing there. Abruptly, he calmed down. I _say_ calmed down, he just stopped talking.

"Salima, do you want to know how this happened?" He gestured vaguely towards his leg. I looked at him, mystified.

"I thought you already told me. Russian Roulette." He sighed impatiently.

"No, I mean how it _really _happened."

"You mean how the bullet ended up in your leg instead of your head?" I said dryly. That had occurred to me a little while after he'd said it, and had been puzzling me ever since. He nodded. I shrugged and smiled at him. "Whatever you want to do." He shifted restlessly.

"Do you know about the Blitzkrieg Boys?" I opened my mouth to reply in the negative, then paused and nodded slowly. I remembered a bit about them, mainly their captain Tala, and of course, the fact that Kai had been on the team. Just as Max had been on the PPB Allstars, and Ray had been on White Tiger X.

"I think so," I replied. He nodded again and started talking.

"We all have similar pasts, and a few weeks back, we decided that we wanted to take a little gamble." He smiled crookedly.

"You mean…kill yourselves?" I asked softly. Ha, I've always been good at simplifying…

"Yeah. It was Tala's idea, and he persuaded me and the others to do it. I would rather have just shot myself without any fuss, Bryan fancied poisoning - that or lying on a railway track - and Spencer had a particularly sharp knife tucked away. But no, Tala always was rather…persuasive. So, there we were, all sitting in a circle in the middle of this massive warehouse, with the revolver in Tala's hands. He loaded it with the one bullet and spun it, pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger. No bullet. Then, he stared at us, and there was a look in his eyes that made even _Bryan_ shiver.

"Let's play Russian Poker," he whispered. I froze. Basically, that meant that Tala would now be pointed the gun at everyone's head, not just his own. We agreed, or at least, we didn't protest. That was Tala for you. He always got his own way, in _everything_. Heck, I even let him screw me once, and I'm _never_ on the bottom." He spat the word out as if it was poisonous. "He pointed it at Bryan's head and pulled the trigger. Once again; nothing.

"It was passed round without incident and eventually, it was my go again. The sixth go. Tala aimed it at me, at my head, his eyes glittering with something that anyone else would probably call madness. I stared back at him coolly. This was what I wanted, after all, wasn't it? To die. Leave all the mess in my life for someone else to scrape through. The thoughts sounded right, normal, but I felt a tiny flicker of doubt force its way into my unwilling mind. There was no gamble about it, not on the sixth go. Once Tala pulled that trigger, I was dead. Gone forever."

He had rehearsed this in his head, I could tell, trying to tell me everything that had happened. Every feeling that had flashed through his head.

"Tala looked at me, and all there was in that stare was bloodlust.

"Bye bye, Kai…" he murmured, caressing the gun almost tenderly. And then, it hit me. Tala didn't want to die; _he wanted to see me die_. A split second before his finger closed in the trigger, I flung myself to my feet and turned to run. The bullet entered here," He ran his fingers lightly over his still-stitched hip. "I nearly fell, nearly passed out. Instead, I ran out the door, trying to put as much distance between my psychopathic team mate and me as I possible could. A gunshot rang out behind me. I never looked to see who it was. I hope it was him." He stared blankly at the white bed sheet, his horrific tale finished.

I had never felt so sick. I had to sit on his bed in a hurry, my stomach churning, the world spinning. I heard him move towards me, alarm in his voice as he told me to lean forwards with my head in between my knees and take deep breaths. I knew that, but you just don't think when you're trying to stop yourself from fainting.

"Are you okay, Salima? I'm sorry, I should never have told you that." His face, although a little blurred, was paler than normal and tight with guilt. I smiled weakly up at him.

"Hey, I asked." A smile flickered briefly across his face for a second, but he shook it away.

"And I shouldn't have told you. Are you feeling any better?" I nodded and sat up slowly. "Good. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay!" I told him firmly. He shot me a highly dubious look and moved back to his original position, raising a hand to rub absentmindedly at his temple. "Have you got a headache?" Instantly, he dropped his hand.

"It's nothing," he muttered. Of course it wasn't, he just looked like hell by complete coincidence…

"Kai, talk to me!" Slowly, he looked at me.

"I had physiotherapy today. I can barely walk." Disgust twisted his handsome features. "Why didn't I just let Tala get his sick thrill and finish me off there and then?"

"Don't think like that!" I ordered, slapping him as hard as I could on the arm. He didn't flinch.

"Why not? It's not like anyone cares."

"I do!" He carried on as if I hadn't spoken. Damn idiot, he always was so single-minded.

"My life might as well be over. Once I'm out of here, I have two choices. Get a wheelchair and live the rest of my pathetic life being classed as disabled, or get another gun and sort out what I chickened out of before."

"You do that and I'll make sure you live to regret it, mister." He finally seemed to remember I was in the room with him and gave me a faintly amused look.

"You sound like Hilary."

"Glad to know that there was somebody in your life who didn't treat you like a god. And you're avoiding the subject."

"Screw you."

"No, you're gay, remember?" He laughed shortly, and then went quiet, putting a hand on his forehead and rubbing it distractedly.

"When am I going to get out of here?" he asked eventually, refusing to make eye contact with me. I shrugged.

"I'm not a doctor. Too thick for that. Ask whoever's in charge of you." He scowled.

"She's a b-"

"Hey, no badmouthing the consultant!" I chided, laughing despite myself. "That's a staff privilege!" He smiled thinly and lay back down, lightly running his fingers over his ruined hip. Recognising a dismissal when I saw one, I stood up. Suddenly, a thought flew into my head. "Where's Dranzer?" Kai looked at me, startled that I had remembered the name of his bit-beast correctly, and patted his pocket wordlessly. "Okay. Just wondering."

"You still beyblade?" he asked, a faint light of interest appearing in his previously dull eyes. I shrugged.

"Not much. A bit, I suppose. You?" He nodded and rolled away to face the wall. I shook my head at his bluntness and left obediently.

Even back then, I could tell I was getting closer to him than most people had ever dreamed of. I don't know why, or how, I just know that he was almost normal around me.

If somewhat depressed. And suicidal. But apart from that, perfectly normal.

Surprisingly enough, I wasn't sexually attracted to him. The whole homosexual thing might have had something to do with it, but even then, under normal circumstances, with a different guy, I'd have expected to look at him and think, "wow". But no, not with Kai. It wasn't that he wasn't attractive, heck, he was drop-dead _gorgeous_. Muscles, nice bum, long eyelashes, tall, not to mention the "strong and silent" attitude that was every girl's fantasy. So why did I never think about him like that?

Oh well, it's not like it matters now. Nothing matters now.

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Ooh, depressing ending... I'm about a quarter of the way through the next chapter, so it should be up relatively soon! Got to go now, I'm being sent to bed early because I have SATS tomorrow! Wish me luck! (hides from exams)

(pops out again) Oh yeah, please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everybody! I'm back again, needing reviews! Two reasons. 1. I haven't had any in three days. 2. I've just read an incredible story, and I'm having inferiority issues! (I can't spell, sorry!) Thanks to hikari0205, Lamanth and wolf's lament for reviewing chapter 3! Luv you all! Okay, I'm going to shut up now. Here's chapter four.

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Hi, I've got the world's worst cold today, so I'm just holed up in bed with four boxes of tissues and a temperature, and scribbling this down because I have a grand total of NOTHING else to do! Wow, that was a long sentence. All right, enough rambling, where did I leave this? Wow, did I really write that last sentence? And I called _Kai _depressed? 

Well, okay, he was. And…I reckon I might be as well. But still. No reason to go all melancholy. Even on paper. Okay, okay, back to reality. Where do I go from there? Um…damn…um…okay, I'll try this, see what happens.

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It was a month later, and I came off my shift and headed for Kai's room. It was empty, the bed stripped in preparation for a new occupant. Completely taken aback, I stood there and blinked stupidly for a few seconds before my tired brain started working again. There were two obvious options.

He had been moved to a new room. Pretty implausible at this stage, he was about as recovered as he was going to get. Following that particular line of thought, the second option-

He had been discharged.

-looked a lot more likely. Unreasonably, I felt tears poking experimentally at the corners of my eyes. Get a grip, girl! I ordered fiercely, trying to shake off the sudden urge to burst out crying like a jilted schoolgirl. Maybe what I put earlier was wrong. I wasn't sexually attracted to him, no, but there was always…something. And it was that "something" that made me walk down to Reception and use "staff privileges" (i.e., I had gone out with the man at the desk a few weeks before Kai turned up. I dumped him because he was an arrogant git who thought women existed to do his bidding. _And_ he got fed up because I wouldn't sleep with him. Like I was going to lose my virginity to a loser like him!) to get his address.

Nervously, I rang the doorbell.

"Who is it?" he called brusquely from inside.

"I'll give you three guesses!" I called back with a soft laugh.

"Salima!" He sounded genuinely delighted - well, as delighted as he ever got - which was good as I had started to lose my nerve. "Come round the back." Obediently, I walked down the little alleyway to the back door, struggling not to wrinkle my nose up at the smell. Stepping through the door and into what looked like the kitchen, I looked around for Kai.

"Where are you?"

"Lounge." came the typically curt answer. I wandered around the tiny flat until I found the lounge, a somewhat poky room with a sofa and an armchair and Kai sitting on the sofa with his right leg stretched out in front of him. He smirked as I came in. "Was that really so hard to find?" he demanded, his voice as stern as ever. I stuck my tongue out at him and he let his eyes dance with amusement. "Well, if your intelligence level matches your behaviour, you'd be giving Tyson a run for his money." I started giggling and sat down in the armchair, staring at him critically.

He looked tired, his eyes dark and sunken into his pale face, his hair sticking out all over the place. One thin hand was resting on his hip, in a protective gesture that I recognised from the hospital, and the other was deep in his pocket, presumably holding Dranzer.

"You okay?" I asked softly, all the gaiety gone from my voice. He shrugged self-consciously.

"I'm fine." I groaned mentally.

"When did they let you out?" I asked eventually, changing the subject when it became obvious that no more information on his state of health was forthcoming.

"About ten this morning." Twelve hours ago, and two hours before I came on shift.

"What have you been doing since then?"

"Nothing much."

"You look tired."

"Yes." God, this was like trying to get blood out of a stone! I sighed in defeat.

"Okay, I give _up_!" I exclaimed loudly. He smirked again.

"Good."

"Are you going to say something that _isn't_ monosyballic?"

"Maybe."

"Okay, that's an improvement." Laughing, I stood up. "What've you got in the way of drinks?"

"Mainly alcohol."

"Anything decent?" He shrugged. "I guess I'll go and look for myself then, shall I?"

"All right." Groaning noisily in frustration, I stalked into the shabby kitchen and started rooting through the fridge and various cupboards.

"Kai, this place is a _tip_!" No answer. "Kai? Earth to Kai?"

"What? I didn't realise that was a question. I thought it was an insult." he called sarcastically. Rolling my eyes, I made my way back into the lounge with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"You okay to drink?" In answer, he leaned over and swiped the bottle and one of the glasses, pouring himself a more than generous amount. Seeing my expression, he raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

"You expected me to say no?" Now it was my turn to shrug and pour myself a glass, mine somewhat _less_ than Kai's. We settled into a comfortable silence, sipping our wine and yawning occasionally. (that was me, although there were plenty of times when I knew Kai wanted to.)

An hour later, I noticed that he was having to blink rapidly to keep his eyes open and berated myself silently for keeping him awake. Standing up, I stretched, getting the cramp out of my legs.

"I'd better get going now, I've got work tomorrow." He focused on me with difficulty, mainly from tiredness. He hadn't drunk quite that much. Yet. A flicker of loneliness crossed his face, but he hid it instantly. I saw it, though. "I'll write down my number for you, shall I?" He shrugged, a small smile of gratitude creeping onto his ashen face despite his best efforts.

"Whatever." I smiled at him and headed towards the door.

"Bye, Kai. See you soon."

"Bye."

The next day, I had just come away from one of the most stressful shifts known to humanity. I had been vomited on six times, (three of them by the same person) yelled at by the ward matron, abused by a patient - which had led to a ton of paperwork in my miniscule lunch break - and hung up the wrong drip, a mistake that nearly cost someone's life. I was exhausted, thirsty, and had a terrible headache, so, all in all, I was NOT in the best of moods. I went back to the flat that I shared with two other girls and slobbed out for a few hours, eventually falling asleep on the sofa with a blinding migraine.

The world's most annoying sound - the telephone - blasted into my restless doze. Sitting up, I reached groggily for the ringing phone and debated smashing it. Deciding against it on the grounds of using up too much energy, I held it next to my ear.

"'Lo?" I mumbled thickly, squinting at the clock. Three o'clock in the afternoon. Damn. At least my migraine had disappeared.

"Hello Salima, it's Kai here. Sorry if I woke you up." I shifted positions and blinked drowsily.

"No," I yawned widely, "Don't worry about it. Why did you phone?" I paused. "As a matter of fact, how do you know my number?" He chuckled dryly.

"You'd be surprised at what I know." I smiled, rolling my eyes at the cryptic comment.

"So, why did you phone?" I repeated. "Lonely?"

"No, not that." There was a pause. "Look, this is a little embarrassing..." I grinned wickedly.

"Ooh, what?" He laughed quietly.

"Nothing like that, get your mind out of the gutter!"

"Extracting mind as I speak. So, what is it?"

"I've fallen over, and I can't get up." I could hear the humiliation in his voice, imagined his eyes dark with shame. "Could you come over and help?"

"Of course!" I answered immediately.

"Don't stress about it, I'm not exactly dying. Just stuck on the floor like a two year-old." He spat out the last setence as if it were poisonous.

"Hey, look who's stressing!" I said lightly. "I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"

"Whatever." He hung up. Shaking my head, I got up and busied myself going out.

"Hey, Kai. Is the back door open?" I called through the letterbox.

"Yeah." he replied curtly. I went round the back and in.

Kai was sitting on the lounge floor, his expression furious. Wordlessly, sensing that speech would involve insults, I walked over and extended my hand. He took hold of it and pulled, hard, getting his good leg underneath him. I nearly tumbled down with him, but by that time he was half-up and supporting his own weight. Without speaking, he pulled his hand from mine and limped painfully into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

"You can go now." His curt voice floated into the lounge.

"I can take a hint." I called back, trying not to sound hurt. That must be what the Bladebreakers had to put up with daily, I thought wryly. If Ray can stand it, so can I!

"That wasn't a hint." Glaring at the closed bedroom door, I marched defiantly out.

Wow. I'd forgotten about that until just now. I still cringe, thinking about how embarrassed he must have been to be helpless in front of me then. He would get used to it, though. We would both get used to some weird things. Oops, I'm getting ahead of myself. I want to continue, but I don't know what to write...oh well, I'll come back to this later. When I actually have something to write.

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Well? Please review, I really need encouragement at the moment! Now, I have to go, food's here and I'm starving! 


	5. Chapter 5

I'm really not too sure about this chapter, it just seems a bit...repetitive. The next one should be better though, I have it planned! (In my head.) Well, as I have learnt over the months I have been on this site, I am the worst judge of my writing, so I'll leave that up to you guys!

A massive, huge, _GIANT SIZED_ thank you to **Lamanth**, **wolf's lament**, **Nedunque**, **hikari0205**, **El Conejo Morado** and **Jedi Lord -Author-** for reviewing! (Yay! New reviewers!)I'm pleased (and surprised) that this fic is going down so well with everybody! I never expected it! All right, I'll stop babbling on now.

Enjoy!

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Can't be bothered with an intro. Straight in.

It was...ooh, about three months after that little incident I mentioned earlier. I was still going round his flat quite regularly, about two or three times a week and trying to persuade him that a wheelchair was a useful, good idea and not some devil's contraption invented purely to make him feel inferior. So far; no luck. Never mind that he had passed out from the pain twice, he hadn't so much as touched it. You see, the doctors were wrong. (Ooh, I _love_ saying that!) They had said limited mobility and that was correct, but they _hadn't_ said that if he didn't use the wheelchair, the mobility would get even less.

Every day that he continued to hobble around stubbornly, his acetabelum (socket in the ball-and-socket joint) was...to be blunt, disintegrating. In only four months, walking had morphed from mildly painful if prolonged to an agonising test of willpower.

But of course, this is _Kai_ I'm talking about When it came to willpower, there was no one on this earth better than him at gritting his teeth and pretending he was fine.

My life didn't revolve around the injured blader though, and I had found myself a boyfriend. Dean, his name was. He was a nice enough guy, brown eyes, curly brown hair, good sense of humour...not a bad catch overall. Or so I thought at the time.

So, we were going out to get lunch one day, down in the town centre. We went to a little local shop called Barrett's, a shop that stocked everything from music to books to soft toys to stationery, and had a café to top it all off. Dean put an arm round my waist.

"What do you want, Sali?" he asked, nuzzling my neck affectionately. I mentally winced. I hated being called Sali. Sally. It was a horrible name in my opinion. If people had to shorten my name, why not just Sal? Sally (however you spelt it) sounded so...common.

I hugged him back and we ordered our food. I had a tuna sandwich and a bottle of water, and Dean had a burger, a chocolate chip cookie and a bottle of orange Fanta. Contrasting meals, huh? We went into the main part of the tiny café and looked around for a table. Finding one, we sat down and began eating.

Two minutes later, I had finished and was waiting patiently for Dean. I leaned my head on one hand and gazed absentmindedly around the small room, glancing at a few other couples, one family of three generations, the usual mix of people.

"Salima." I jumped a mile at the sound of Kai's voice and looked around for his whereabouts. He was walking towards me, a strange look in his eyes. As he reached our table, he gave me a quick smile and stared at Dean calculatingly. "Hello, Dean," he said calmly. "It's been a while." Dean's eyes flew wide and he suddenly looked like nothing more than a trapped animal.

"Yeah…" he said warily. I looked at them, nonplussed.

"You two know each other?" I asked at last. Kai smiled in a way that I could only describe as flirtatiously, but that didn't do the air surrounding him any justice. It's quite funny really; one of the few times that I ever found him truly sexy (contrary to what I wrote a while back, there was a _very_ few times,) was when he was directing just that quality at another man. He shifted position until he was as close as he could get to Dean without actually touching him. Their faces must have been millimetres apart. "You wanna tell her, kiddo, or shall I?" Kai whispered. Dean swallowed. His face was white, almost as white as Kai's. "No? Fine, I'll do it." He moved back. The sudden distance seemed to snap Dean out of his daze and he stood up and punched Kai round the face, fury and fear written all over his face.

I slapped both hands over my mouth to stifle a scream, my eyes so wide that they felt as though they really were about to drop out of my head. Kai had been knocked to the ground, and was having predictable difficulties to getting himself upright again, not helped by the tremendous blow that Dean had just dealt him. Speaking of Dean, my boyfriend was staring at Kai, a mixture of triumph and disgust on his face. Suddenly, a member of staff popped up and demanded to know what was going on. I opened my mouth to tell her, but was interrupted by Dean shoving past me and racing for the stairs. The whole café, staff and customers alike was watching us now.

"Are you all right?" the female staff member who had run over asked me anxiously. I nodded distractedly and crouched down, grabbing hold of Kai's arm and helping him pull himself upright.

There was a large reddish-purple blotch on his right cheek where a bruise was already forming, horribly visible against his pale skin. He was breathing shallowly, his face a cruel mask of rage and humiliation. Yanking his arm out of my grip and nearly causing himself to fall down again, he limped over to his table in the far corner of the room and grabbed his crutch. With the uncomfortable, almost hopping action that the one crutch gave him, he moved slowly for the stairs, his eyes dark. I hurried after him, catching him on the third step down.

"Kai, are you okay?" I asked, already knowing both the real answer and _his_ answer.

"Fine."

"You're not! You were just practically knocked out!" He shot me a look that could have tamed a crocodile.

"Whatever," he muttered.

"At least let me walk with you?" He shrugged stiffly.

"Like I need you." he mumbled. My temper flared up.

"If you used the wheelchair, Kai, you _wouldn't _need me!" I snapped. He shrugged again. "Anyway, what just happened? That was just bizarre!" A ghost of a smirk flickered across Kai tight, angry face.

"Dean's a bastard," he said, very matter-of-factly. I stared at him. "He's too afraid to admit that he's gay, so he tries to go out with girls. When it comes to actual sex, he wimps out, ends the relationship and leaves the poor girl in tears."

"How do you know that?" I asked curiously. Kai smirked nastily.

"If the wine and the sex is good enough, men tell me anything." he explained casually. A shadow crossed his face. "Or they did." His voice was barely audible, but I heard it and my irritation at the way he was behaving melted away.

We were out of the shop by now, and I chanced a dangerous question.

"Do you want to sit down?" He glared at me for a few seconds and swung away, wordlessly heading for the bench a little way down the street. Shaking my head, I followed him quickly.

The way he walked with his crutch was peculiar, even if I do say so myself, and I found it unsurprising (if rude) that he was drawing stares. He would take a step with his good leg, put the crutch level with that leg and heave his bad leg forwards. Then the process would start all over again. It was a strange, lurching gait, there was no denying it, made worse by the fact that every time he moved his right leg a slight shudder of pain rippled down his body.

"Hey, Hop-along!" We both looked around. There was a little gang of three or four boys aged about thirteen on the other side of the road, pointing and jeering. Kai stared at them for a few seconds and turned away, heading for the bench. I glared at them furiously and turned decisively on my heel. Jeers rang out behind me.

"I wouldn't go out with a guy with a limp." a girl muttered to her friend as she passed Kai and I.

"Limp what?" the other girl whispered back. The two girls dissolved into fits of giggles. Even I felt my lips twitching slightly until I remembered our conversation just minutes ago. It's not funny! I thought, biting my lip furiously.

"Feel free to laugh." Kai said casually as I approached the bench where he was seated. "That was one of the better jokes about this that I've heard." We both laughed half-heartedly and I sat down next to him.

"Let me ring a taxi," I said quietly. He shook his head. "Kai, you're going to collapse if you try and walk back home." He shrugged.

"Whatever."

I often wonder just how long he was walking around town before he went into Barrett's and found me, because he was in absolute agony by then. He never told me. Once we were both out the taxi, neither of us ever mentioned what had happened again.

Except to repeat what those girls said whenever either of us got too down.

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Well? What did you think? Hey, I've just noticed, I made Kai say "Whatever" twice. Is that bad?

I am talking far too much today, sorry! Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

I'm so so so so sorry about the late update. I've been writing around writer's block since September, and haven't had many flashes of inspiration for this little fic. But here we are, and I think it's one of the longest chapters yet.

A big thank you to** Lamanth**, **wolf's lament**, **El Conejo Morado**, **Nedunque**, **Spiritual Energy**, **Dark Kaiser** and **KiraLuver93** for reviewing the last chapter!!! (hugs everyone) I can't believe this has 20 reviews!!! (delighted grin) So, many thanks for sticking with such an odd pairing, and odd way of writing it.

Enjoy this chapter!

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A little bit after the whole café incident, I got a phone call from a very unexpected source.

"Hello, Salima speaking."

"Hi Salima, it's Hilary. You know, from the Bladebreakers?" I sat down heavily.

"Yeah, I know who you are… Why are you phoning me, if that doesn't sound too rude?" I demanded.

"I just thought I'd phone up and see how you were coping with Kai, that's all." She sounded uncertain, and I realised I was being unnecessarily defensive.

"Oh, okay. How did you know about Kai?"

"Kenny has a very high-tech searching system." she said with a laugh. "He found Kai's records in the hospital, and they listed you as one of the nurses in his room." I blinked.

"Yeah, sounds pretty complicated." I said at last. "So, what do you want to know about Kai?"

"How he's coping. I know what he's like." We both giggled.

"What makes you think I'd know?" Defensive again. Even now, I can only guess at why I was always so reticent on the subject of Kai.

"Just a guess, I suppose. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, I'll just go-" Her voice got faster, nervous.

"No, don't. Sorry. I'm being really rude." She laughed, clearly relieved. "I'm in pretty regular contact with him, so anything in particular you want to ask about?" There was a long pause. "Hilary?"

"The newspaper article…" she said, almost apologetically.

"Ah. That." I settled myself down on a chair. "You know, I'd give anything to know to leaked it. I could never tell Kai, though. He'd be arrested for murder." We laughed, but not for long, both recognising the grain of uncomfortable truth in that joking statement.

--------------------

The phone rang. Cursing it, I got up from my comfortable position watching the television and lifted the receiver.

"Hello, Salima speaking."

"Didyoutellthem?" I held the phone away from my ear, blinked a few times, then replaced it at my ear.

"Pardon? Kai, what is it?"

"Did - you - tell - them?" he ground out.

"Tell them what?" I repeated, bewildered.

"About my leg."

"No … " I frowned in puzzlement. "Of course not. You've always said you didn't want the world to know."

"Then explain why I'm hiding from the world's media right now. There's a fucking _television camera _out there, Salima!" I winced.

"Is there a back way into yours, Kai?" I listened, then groaned. _Oh no, I draw the line at climbing over fences, you hear me Kai? I draw the line _just_ there…_

Ten minutes later, I dropped to the ground with a thud and brushed myself off. Looking with hatred at the fence that had torn my favourite pair of jeans, I walked quickly inside.

Kai was sitting on the kitchen table, scowling at it as though it was the reason for his present self-imprisonment.

"What did the table ever do to you?" I asked lightly. His eyes flicked to me, dark with anger and frustration.

"Give me enough time, I'm sure I could think of something." he snarled under his breath.

"Kai, calm down." I ordered.

"You're asking me to fucking calm down when there's the world and its brother out there, waiting for me?" he asked in a tone of angry disbelief.

"Why don't you just go out there and say "No comment" or something?" I snapped back.

"I'm not going out like this!" He gestured to the crutch in a savage movement.

"Well, in that case you're never going to go out at all, because in case you hadn't noticed, you self-absorbed little bastard, you're stuck like this!" I yelled. Amethyst eyes flashed blind fury and I actually took a few steps backwards.

"Don't you think I know that?" he hissed at last. Standing up with a force that knocked his chair flying, he grabbed his crutch and stormed out of the kitchen. I heard a door slam and guessed that he had gone to his bedroom. Whether to cool down or to brood, I had no idea.

I decided to sit and wait until he came out. No matter how livid he was at me right now, I refused to have him holed up in the house like some kind of recluse. All it would take was a simple "No comment".

If that didn't work, he could always threaten to sue them, after all.

Despite my own temper being more than slightly up, I quailed as he came back into the kitchen and directed a baleful glare my way.

"Are you going outside now?" My supposed demand came out as a mere, hesitant question. He didn't reply, just turned away. Moments later, I heard the door open.

"No comment. Now fuck off, the lot of you." Even from where I was sitting I could hear the buzz of eager questions and see the flashes. "Get lost!" The door slammed shut and he came back in, limping even with the crutch.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're shaking."

"I'm fine."

"You don't look it." He looked at me, a flat, dead look that somehow scared me more than all his fiery glares so far. "I'll just … go then, shall I?"

Hilary let out a low whistle.

"Sounds like him." she said at last. "Stubborn to a fault." I made a noise to the affirmative. "What about you? How are you coping?" My heart rate sped up.

"Why are you phoning, Hilary?" I demanded again, knowing I was being defensive and not giving a damn. A long pause ensued. "Hilary!"

"I know how … intense he is." she said at last, in a voice that was nearly a whisper. "I know how he drags people into his life."

There must have been silence for a good five minutes.

"He does." My acknowledgment was no more than a faint murmur. "Yeah … I guess he does."

"Salima … if I tell you something, will you tell me whether it's the same for you?" Stupidly, my mind in a fog, I nodded.

"Y-yes. Sorry. Ok."

"Ok." Anyone listening to us would probably have been in hysterics. We were two edgy girls, dancing round a topic that could burn us both. And oh, did we sound odd. Suddenly, in a rush, "I liked him." She giggled nervously. "Did you? Do you?"

"No. Not like that." Calmly, I hung up.

What the hell had just happened? I shook my head violently. Never mind. I had to get to work.

Two months later, and I was glaring at Kai yet again as I cleaned up a fresh load of blisters on his crutch-wielding hand.

"If you'd just use a wheelchair-"

"I won't, so stop nagging."

"I'm not nagging, Kai, I'm really worried for you! Could you _please_-"

"You're nagging." He cut me off with a look that felt as though he had slapped me. "I don't appreciate being told what to do."

"Fine." I replied quietly. Cold all over, as I always was after he rejected my help, I stood up. "Have you taken your Coreg?"

"What's it to you?"

"Nothing, I already know the answer."

"How?"

"You're tired, you've got a headache and you can't stand up too quickly or you get dizzy."

"I haven't. And even if I had, this would prove what?" I stared at him.

"Kai, you do _know _that all these things are side-effects of the Coreg, don't you?" Briefly, I felt like laughing as I saw the flicker of relief light in his eyes. Briefly.

"Yes. So if you know so much, why are you standing here annoying me?" he demanded, his jaw tight.

Something snapped inside me. Before I even caught up with the red-hot blaze of fury racing through me, my hand had drawn back and I had slapped him with every inch of force I could muster.

As red bloomed on his white cheek, he simply closed and opened his eyes, a little slower than a blink. He looked at me, a faintly questioning look..

"You really are stupid!" I snapped. Anger boiled inside me, an uncomfortable, churning feeling. "You're losing the ability to walk more and more every time you try, your blood pressure's through the roof, and you keep expecting _me_ to deal with it!"

Kai flinched. I carried on regardless.

"Everywhere I go, everything I do, I always have to be aware of you, you and your idiotic ego that refuses to let you admit that something's wrong! So instead of doing something about it, you order me to come in, to do this, do that, help you up, make you take your medication - you order me around, Kai Hiwatari, because you know I won't fight back, and you use me to make you do all the things you know you should be doing but can't get the guts to do! Oh no, because that would mean admitting to yourself that your blood pressure is dangerously high, that you haven't eaten properly in months - _that you can't walk_!" I screamed the last bit at him. "Well now I'm fighting back! It's been a year, Kai, and I'm not going to put up with it anymore! I'm telling you the truth! And if you don't face up that truth, you're going to be in a lot of trouble, very soon!"

He stared at me. I stared back, trembling, my face burning. He shrugged slowly, dejectedly.

"Maybe. Now get out." Fire flashed in his eyes, a fire that had been missing for what felt like a very long time. Fighting back tears of anger, and shame, and god only knew what else, I turned and hurried out.

Bad temper all round. I hated him, he hated me, we hated what we were doing to ourselves and each other. And it was all him, him and that _stupid_ stubbornness.

Just thinking about it makes me want to hit something. Or cry. Or both. Something like that. OK, I'd better go before I do something I'll regret.

* * *

Hehehe, arguments are fun. This is reminding me of The past is the past, in that I'm writing arguments AND doing medical research! Great fun.

That does it, I'm officially an idiot. I nearly forgot to mention what Coreg is!!

Ok, it's an alpha-beta blocker, which is a combination of two types of blood pressure medication. It works by relaxing the blood vessels, which decreases the blood pressure. If I use any other medical terms and forget to explain them, feel free to ask in the reviews wtf I'm on about.

I'm going to try and wrap this fic up in the next few chaps. But we shall see. The one and only thing fixed in my head is how Kai will die, so I could go in any number of directions before reaching it. Wish me luck, and please review!

Til next time, ttfn!


	7. Chapter 7

I'm back, everyone! Thank you to **PureBlackRaven**, **Nedunque**, **Lamanth** and **XxMookinexX** for reviewing!

A special thank you to **XxMookinexX** for a really amazing review! I wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed by the praise or amazed at how much you saw into the underlying message of the fic! (hugs) And your predictions of Kai's death were scarily close to the mark! (hides)

This chapter is dedicated to **Nedunque**, for his truly wonderful reviews. He's been the reason I learnt at least two new grammar rules, and is one of the only reviewers who can criticise my work without making me feel bad. Thank you!

Enjoy the slightly edited version of this chap, everyone!

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Oh, I tackled _that_ last time, did I? Oh ... _good_. Note the sarcasm there. I'm tired. But I need to get this out somehow. God, I don't know where to begin ... 

------

I'll say this for Kai - he was a stubborn bastard. I knew he couldn't get along without me, he knew it too, yet he held out for months.

I even started forgetting about him, in the end. Actually got on with life.I moved onto a decent shift at the hospital - night-shifts kill you slowly - which meant improved pay! If anyone ever tells you night staff get paid the same as day staff, they're lying. In fact, they're probably night staff themselves, trying to gain an ego-boost.

Extra pay equalled extra social life. Or maybe that should be _a_ social life. I wouldn't call myself a recluse, but I'm always happy with a good book and a CD player. Still, one Tuesday I did actually turn up hungover for work. Which was ... beyond unheard of. I got stick for it all day.

Anyway, I was just reaching the unpleasant stage near the end of a hangover when all you want to do is _sleep_, when three letters bleeped on everyone's bleeper.

R.T.A. Road Traffic Accident.

Words that inspire fear or excitement, depending on what type of person you are. Me? I'm a coward; my shift was due to end in an hour and I felt even worse than I looked. Any surprise that I tried to stay at the back of the room?

I'm not the best nurse in the hospital, by a long, long shot, and so I was amazed to see an intern gesturing frantically to me about five minutes in. Hurrying up, I tried to concentrate on the important words, like "blood", "saline", "X-Ray", and "theatre", while trying not to stare at the man groaning in agony between us.

Half an hour later, the frantic pace slowed - there were only three casualties - and I was able to ask what had happened. I received a shrug and a curt,

"Van overturned on the M32."

Don't you just hate doctors?

My uniform was blood-splattered and crumpled, but for once, no one noticed, and I managed the next half an hour in relative peace, as all the serious cases had been wheeled away to various specialised sections of the hospital. There's nothing like talking about how the Ward Matron might be having an affair with a third-year medical student to get you through the last bed changes and phone-calls to indifferent paper-pushers of the day.

------

I peeled off my crackly, foul-smelling uniform in the ladies toilets, and emerged in a tracksuit and light blue T-shirt.

"You going jogging?" a voice asked behind me. Used to stupid male coments, I answered before my brain caught up with my mouth,

"You kidding? Ever heard of comfort clo-o ... _Kai_?" I spun around. He surveyed me through half-closed eyes.

"Have a fun night last night, did you?" There he was again, so infuriatingly smug! Like he'd never been drunk or hungover!

"Better fun than you, I'll bet!" It was a cheap shot that I regretted as soon as it left my mouth, purely because it made me sound like a sullen kid. Kai tipped his head to one side, an acknowledgement that I had spoken rather than of what I had said. "Why are you here, anyway?" I asked at last. "What did you do now?"

Amethyst flashed in bright anger for a second, before Kai shifted his weight slightly and replied.

"My partner was in the traffic accident."

Oops. Bad Salima.

"Oh." was all I could think of to say. Very intelligent, I know. It felt like someone had just thrown a bucket of cold water over me, then punched me in the stomach. Next stupid thing I said; "Partner as in ... together?"

"Yes." He gave me a scornful look and started going towards the doors I had come out of a few minutes ago. I found my voice again just in time to call out;

"You can't see him, Kai." He turned, a look of resignation already settling onto his face. I blinked. This wasn't the Kai I knew, was it? Shouldn't he be demanding to be let in or something?

"Why?" His voice was flat.

"He's either in theatre getting pins stuck in his femur, having an MRI scan to check for damage caused by head trauma or ... " I trailed off, trying to remember the third one. I remembered, but wished I hadn't. Kai was looking at me questioningly, so eventually I sighed and continued, "Or he's in the burns clinic."

"What a choice."

"What does he look like? I was there when they all came in." I didn't tell him that one moaning, blood-covered man can look quite similar to another in rushed circumstances. Kai shrugged, his face stretching as he fought back a yawn.

"Why should you care? You made it perfectly clear you weren't going to "put up with me" anymore." Irritation prickled in my chest.

"For God's sake Kai, if it helps your pride, see it as a part of my job!"

Believe it or not, I was happy to see him again. Very much so. That happiness was just tempered by tiredness and irritation and concern and annoying things like that.

Anyway, he relented without much fuss and told me the guy's basic appearance.

"Theatre." I said instantly. Black, with long dreadlocks, there was no way I could be mistaken when the other two had been white, and red and blond respectively.

"So I can't see him." I nodded. Kai's face twisted momentarily, then smoothed over. "Ok, when can I see him?" I shrugged.

"Whenever he's out." I said bluntly. "You want to go to the Waiting Room? I can show you the way."

"Ok."

He was agreeing so _easily_! To everything! What was _wrong_ with him?

I was really worrying by now. He was subdued and pale, tired-looking, with bags under his eyes. I remembered from before that when he had been on his crutches for a few hours, his good leg would begin to shake slightly. Now, the shudders were up to his hands and he was finding it hard to keep his balance. Add to that his strangely docile behaviour, and, well, ok, I was worried!

Halfway there, he stopped with an almost inaudible sigh and turned to stare at me.

"What?" I said, a little defensively.

"I know you want to ask." he said softly. We stared at each in silence for a few seconds.

My mind was reeling. This was as close as Kai had ever got to openly admitting how he felt.

"What's wrong?" I asked at last, in a near whisper. Something flickered in his eyes and he made as if to open his mouth. After an agonising pause, he shook his head briskly.

"Never said I'd answer, did I?" Unexpectedly, his mouth curved upwards in a sardonic smile. I grinned back, hiding my worry about as effectively as he was hiding his pain.

"I hate you sometimes." I teased. He had started walking, but I'm sure I heard what I thought I did.

"I hate me all the time."

------

The day after, I came into the hospital a little early. Just to check. I had an idea, you see.

And I was right, there they were. Kai, and his ... partner.

"You ok?" I asked as I approached. The question was deliberately open-ended. As I was wearing my uniform, the patient immediately assumed my comment was addressed to him - as I had intended. Also as I intended, Kai heard me and looked up expressionlessly.

"Not too bad, thanks." The man smiled at me. I smiled back, giving him a subtle once-over. No one looks their best in what amounts to little more than a blue sack with head and arm holes, but he didn't look too bad even then. Effeminate, I'll grant you, but handsome. Nice eyes. Gentle face. I'm not one for long black hair, though. Well ... only on one person ...

"What do you want, Sal?"

"You know her, Kai?" Kai gave him the familiar "You're an idiot" look and a clipped,

"Yes. Old acquaintance."

"What's your name?" I asked. "Since Kai's forgotten the meaning of manners." The young man laughed softly, exposing bright white teeth.

"Oh, I'm Tynan. Pleased to meet someone else who can handle the world's most famous sourpuss." I laughed, a genuine laugh prompted by the ... _interesting_ colour Kai had gone.

"I'm Salima. Pleased to meet you too. So, Kai's your ..." I trailed off.

"Boyfriend." Tynan answered with slightly edgy tone. "That bother you?"

"No, no, not all." I must have sounded distracted, because he didn't look too convinced.

It did bother me, it bothered me a _lot_, but not for the reason he imagined. Maybe it was just me, but didn't "Partner" mean a longer-standing commitment than a mere "Boyfriend"? I had a bad feeling there were crossed wires here. And hadn't Tynan answered just that fraction too quickly? Meaning that he didn't want Kai to get his bit in, meaning presumably that he disagreed with Kai ...

In that moment, I felt more sorry for Kai than ever had before, or would again. Somehow, the image of him hoping for a commitment and security that couldn't be returned was more poignant even than the time I had scooped him off the floor well over a year ago.

Call it the mothering instinct. To stop myself from physically hugging him, I fell back on comfortable territory; nagging.

"Have you taken your Coreg today?" Kai shot me a humiliated glare.

"Don't you fucking dare!" he hissed viciously.

I stared at him in shock, eliciting a quizzical look from Tynan, who hadn't heard Kai.

There was something going on here, definitely. That was _far_ too vehement a protest. But what? What the hell was wrong?

_I wonder if he knew how much he had hurt me, just then_.

I cast a pointed look at my watch.

"I've got to go now. Nice meeting you, Tynan!" With a brittle smile, I said goodbye and hurried away - I was about to be late for my shift, and I knew Kai could beat a clam at staying silent any day of the week.

Screw our little argument, I needed to get to the bottom of this. Whatever it was, it was leaving him in the worst state, physically and mentally, than I had ever seen him.

------

Oh yes. I was smart, wasn't I? One unexpected encounter, and I was dragged back into the unpredictable, emotional minefield that was Kai's life. And yet, sometimes I wonder; what would have happened if I hadn't returned like a dog on a leash?

* * *

Ok, that's all from me! Thank you to **XxMookinexX** and **wolf's lament** for their pointers on how to improve this chap - I hope it's slightly better this time! 

xIlbx


End file.
